Common Mistakes

This is a list of common mistakes that can happen both in relation to doing a trance and behavior in general. By themselves they can be innocent, however it's still important to know, recognize and discuss them.

Context matters a lot in all of this. What is a mistake for one person, could be enjoyable for another. Subject Agency and Well-being and agency is a good way to mitigate a lot of them.

Helping someone speak up is often encouraged, even something as simple as: "If anything feels off or if you have any discomfort, feel free to adjust yourself or speak up to let me know."

Remember, mistakes are not good or bad by themselves, it's how we treat them that matters. Each mistake is an opportunity to learn together!

What could possibly go wrong?

Physical mistakes

It's important to consider the subject's physical position and abilities. Not everyone has the same range of motion or comfort.

• Being too rough - Shoving, pulling and pushing without consideration of their body or safety.
• Ignoring intimacy circles - Getting very close to someone without asking.
• Bodily autonomy / bikini area - Touching where it has not been agreed upon.
• Ignoring pose / neck tension - Keeping someone in an uncomfortable position or having their head hang.

Monitoring mistakes

During a trance, you ideally are monitoring the subjects reactions.

• Assuming their depth/state and not asking check questions - "You're so very deep."
• Ignoring signs to the contrary - Missing non-verbal cues, physical discomfort, voice/tonal changes.
• Gaslighting their experience - "Yes, you were very deep, I could see it."

Suggestion mistakes

Mistakes with phrasing or intention of suggestions.

• Exclusivity without consent - "Only I can hypnotize you."
• Suggestions of trust/love - "You will trust me completely and everything I do is right."
• Suggestions without limit in time/space/session - "From now on you will always do this."
• Safety paradoxes - "You will no longer recognize me." Which causes them to also not listen to you anymore!
• Suggesting away issues - "You don't have to feel unsafe / You can ignore any discomfort"

Consent red flags

• Leading language during a pre-talk - "You're okay with doing this, aren't you?"
• Peer/performance pressure - "Really? Other people really enjoyed doing this."
• Delaying discussions without resolving - "Don't mind that. We will discuss that later."
• Blaming the subject - "It worked with someone else. If only you hadn't been so resistant."
• Changing a trance context mid session - "We are going to do a simple relaxing trance" (later...) "You will now obey me."
• Asking people to use titles without it being discussed first - "You will call me X from now on."

Upselling during or after a trance

This one is more complicated. During trance the subject is generally more suggestible and agreeable. Asking for more (do you want to "thing we did not discuss"?) while the person is still in that space, even after waking up, is careless at best.

You can always do more a future time, after a subject has had time to think things through. Also, it can be okay to ask what someone might want to do, as long as you don't act on those suggestions if they go beyond what has been discussed as limits.

Phrases to look out for:

• "Are you ready for X now?"
• "You'd really like to do X, wouldn't you?"

What can you do?

Hypnosis is something you are doing together. This also means you are responsible together! Learning about both sides is helpful and can improve communication.

As a hypnotist

Awareness of these mistakes and others will help you avoid them. Asking for feedback about a session, ideally a few hours/days after the actual session when the euphoria has worn off. And acceptance of yourself: mistakes happen.

You can also help a subject with positive reinforcement, thanking them and rewarding them if they help you notice a mistake.

And of course inform yourself on good Informed Consent practices.

As a subject

Learn about your Subject Agency and Well-being and discuss how you would like to give feedback. It will also help a lot if you are aware of your own vulnerabilities and pitfalls, to warn the hypnotist that certain words or phrases might not be nice for you.

Most of all, you are allowed to speak up, to let the hypnotist know something is wrong and change or adjust anything they do.